Sequestration Meal #291

 

Hey, long time no see! (Or a week, which feels like a long time, because I'm so used to checking in with you on a near-daily basis.)

There are times when all I can do is to sort of stumble through life, one foot in front of the other. I am not the sort of person who always "lands on my feet." I fall to my knees, I get banged up, I sit on the ground and cry for a while. And then, because life has presented me no other options, I get back up, somehow.

In the midst of the stumbling my meals weren't very photogenic, and I don't have the heart to edit the photos of the ones worth looking at right now, other than this burger with tater tots and dill pickles. It was a Pure Farmland Plant Based patty, served in that most classic of fashions--toasted bun, Vegenaise, lettuce, tomato, and onion, with pickle and potato-based sides. It was delicious, and I ate the whole package of burger patties that way, one day after another, for four days in a row. The mindlessness was helpful and comforting. Burgers always are comforting to me.

I've thought a lot about what I might say to explain this, to myself and to you--why the darkness envelops me so profoundly at times. But this time wasn't because of world news, as bad as much of that has been recently. This was an individual tsunami of emotional pain. So instead, I will say this:

We all follow contracts. Some of them are legal, and some of them are social. Social contracts hurt more deeply when breached, I think, because we don't have recourse other than shared outrage. No formally appointed judge will arbitrate. Instead we find ourselves in a less trustworthy world, betrayed in unexpected ways. If we knew to expect such betrayals, they would hurt less. I suspect that a profound personal betrayal coupled with how frayed at the edges we all are in these deeply agonizing times explains my difficulty in coping.

This may be my only post this week. This seems most likely, but I am not working so much next week, and I may have more to say about food if I'm feeling better. Tomorrow, I am getting the second dose of a vaccine, and although I suspect I'll remain largely sequestered for some time after that, visits to grocery stores will be possible again, as well as a host of other things I've put off doing. But this week I am planning to convalesce with the effects of the shot, letting my immune system do its thing. As I feel better in body and soul, I'll be back with the edited photos, stories of the mundane things that get me through, and solidarity for all of us treading water as best we can.

Take care of yourselves in the meantime, and I'll expect to see you next week.