KOSOX 2-Tier Sushi Box #25

Alternating slices of a new-to-me brand of veggie pepperoni and the old standby that is hickory smoked Tofurky, some herbed bread sticks peeking out from under some of the silicone baran that protected them from getting wet, some rectangles of Violife provolone, cucumber slices, and black olives.

This was from about a month ago. As I tried to mentally recover from the car accident, I found it impossible to actually cook, and a lot of my meals were sandwiches and frozen dinners. But even though I wasn't blogging, I made a point of at least trying to pull together some blog-worthy meals, to share when I was up to it again. I can't say that what you'll see over the next couple of weeks will be particularly impressive, but they may give you some ideas from when you, too, run out of the ability to comprehend what it would take to cook.

(An aside: cooking isn't the issue as much as the rest of it--planning, making a list, shopping, prepping...it's so much anyway it may be miraculous any of us manage not to starve to death. Or maybe I was just having a hard time, and it does not tend to seem insurmountable most of the time.)

The veggie pepperoni was something new I found at Wegmans: Green Slice Vegeroni. Not all of the Green Slice vegetarian slices were vegan, but these, and the mixed garden deli slices, both were. They were too expensive for me to be likely to buy when I am not having some sort of crisis, but they were good for the time that I was struggling.

During this season, I thought a lot about how we try to present a perfect picture to the world. I've read other bloggers who struggle with this, for whatever reason. Their reasons and mine are distinct. Some can't afford much more than rice and beans day in and day out and think their meals are too boring to show. Some have had deep personal losses and find that everything reminds them of it. Some feel bad about eating too many meals out, and that they should be cooking. But none of us have perfect lives. Whoever you are, whether you read my stuff regularly or not, know that I'm pretty sure we're all doing our best with what we have to work with, and sometimes we have less to work with.

What I feel isn't rational--guilty for having spent so much more on food for a while after the car accident and all its aftermath took over all my energy--and I'm going to try very hard not to apologize for the meals you'll see as a result. Food for Dissertating, like me, will go back to normal eventually. In the meantime, I spent much more than usual on deli slices, fancy cheese, and very easy stuff I could pull out of the freezer. I went to the store when I could manage to do it, often without an actual list, and bought and ate too many chocolate bars. I did not optimize my trips. I did not optimize anything. But I survived.

And if you have survived your storm so far, too, you deserve credit for it, no matter what it may feel like sometimes.